Am I...depressed?

So I'm writing for a concerned reason: I've lost alot of interest in the things that I enjoyed and have just this feeling of "what's the point? Nobody will care, nothing I do is good enough" and its affected everything I've done from my school work to playing games to making videos and I've even just given up on my voice acting plans. Its sad because not only does it mean I will fail my classes for the third time in a row, but it'll just add even more emotional weight to me while I'm already worried beyond reason for my own Dad. Its weird how I spent money on three new games (and a new Wheel) yet they haven't gotten nearly the amount of playtime I was intending to have with them. Admittingly, the amount of disconnections I've had beginning in September did contribute quite abit to that, but this feeling has been the defining reason that I just cut down on the gameplay time a month later. Likewise, my video projects have suffered as well as all the other hobbies I enjoyed. Whenever I do spend time, its not for a long time like it used to. As for my school work, I started well and did what I set out to do. However once that feeling hit (which was around my birthday) it just never left and got worst. At that same time, I began staying up alot more & more and dosing off in the middle of the day more & more. I've yet to tell my own family of this and I'd rather not give them more burden then they already have with trying to sustain our lives and keeping the Food stocked and Electricity in the house on top of taking care of our dad.  I'm not sure what to do honestly, its like I'm just stuck in a hole and I can't get out it. Its frustraiting to know what my problem is and yet not have anything to solve it, instead pretend that all is well whenever anyone asks me how I'm doing when it isn't. I strive to be better and yet I'm not, I try to be at my best yet I never am. This is why my frequency with my "Adventures In XNA Posing" has suffered badly, its why I just never got back to doing anything for my Youtube accounts or my Deviantart account. I just feel like I should give up on everything, all I ever do is make promises I'll never be able to keep and make goals I'll never reach. And all the while, here I am thinking I'll make sure my dad is ok while I can't even do anything to make sure I am ok. All I managed to do is put on a plastered smile or a stoneface all the while I'm actually in peril. There's no way I can explain this to my older sister, I've failed her again after I promised I wouldn't and nothing I say will convince her other wise. I can't possibly tell my dad while he is already is dealing with problems of his own, that'll just make him feel horrible and he already has enough to worry about. This is just chewing at me so much, I want to tell them as I want help from the harm I'm doing to myself but I don't want to tell them because it'll do more harm to them. How the hell do I escape that? What can I do to make this nightmare disappear? Its things like this that make me wish I didn't have emotion, all it seems to ever do is destroy you from the inside. I just can't help but look in the mirror and hate myself, I have nothing but contempt towards me and its all because of this. I'm going around pretending to be a flawless being when I'm just as if not more flawed. I'm not a criminal or a sloppy drunk or a drug user or some other misfit of society, so what? I'm no more perfect. For me to point at everyone else doing these things and call them out on it is hypocritical when I can't even solve my own issues, its beyond illogical that I try to go put out others fires when I have one going on that I can't even put out. I'm the very hypocritical being I accuse others of being and all I can do is watch myself be destroyed from the inside out, picking at my scabs as if it'll make it all go away. I'm not sure putting all these feelings out here will do me any good or if its a call for help, but it somehow feels like I'm releasing something that I've held in for so long.

Introduction and random topic

Hello and welcome to the chatter lounge, a blog I created just to post random things that aren't necessarily worth a major discussion but I want to chat abit about. There's no set schedule for these, rather they are just whenever I feel like posting something.


To start, I recently discovered a cool song called "Talco Uno" by Jolly Music. I went about looking for lyrics and everywhere I look, this is how the lyrics look:


Don't stop at the water ?,
 ????
 ? in the air
 ? one more time you leave by chance.
 ???
 We move on to ? room
 ??? tune, tune, tune.
 Wait a minute, who told you so?
 Well, somebody me somebody met somebody I don't.
 I do miss the days when I was younger
 and everything about this place was new.
 Now I still more often feel alone where
 I used to be sure to meet my crew.
 I have to chase my dreams on exile,
 they went onto the new battle ground.
 Closer every year to the ??
 but there's something that keeps me coming around


This had been out since 2002 and nobody knows the lyrics? I thought it was odd and decided to attempt fixing them on several lyric sites so here's what they look like after my corrections:

Don't stop at the wardrobe cue
Say the magic word and you can put it in the Dj Booth.
All Hands in the air
Focus on it one more time, you believe by chance.
We move on to a quiet room.
Favorite colors on the left, let the auto tune, tune, tune.
Wait a minute, who told you so?
Well, somebody met somebody met and somebody met somebody I don't.
I do miss the days when I was younger
and everything about this place was new.
Now I still more often feel alone where
I used to be sure to meet my crew.
I have to chase my dreams in exile,
They went onto their new battle ground.
Closer every year to sound unsure again
but there's something that keeps me coming around.
To me, those sound about right. At least its more complete then what I've seen. Just seems odd that no one could complete those lyrics after all those years its been out. You'd think someone would've figured them out by now.